Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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