I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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