DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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