I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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