508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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