I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
