i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
