today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize