if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
