i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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