mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
