who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
