My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
