This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Be still, my beating vagina.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
