Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
