sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
