So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
