Kiss
Puke
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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