Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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