We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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