I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
