She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
