The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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