Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
