So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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