I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
