marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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