We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
did i just pee glitter
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
