This dress was meant to end up on your floor
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
