Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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