remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
