Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We are all done wearing pants today
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
