Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
