Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
