Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
