So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
