sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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