Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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