Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
