Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
