If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
