I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I need moral support for this bender
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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