Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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