Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
