he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
