i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
