6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
