I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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