i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
