dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
