Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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