You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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