I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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