I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
