girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
3 2 1 whiskey
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
