i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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