see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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