I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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