ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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