so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
as a side note pls kill me
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
