I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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