Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
