Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
