I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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