Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
