God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
