Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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