I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
God, I missed his penis.
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