The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize