Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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