You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
