I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
This house was built for laser tag.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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