I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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