How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
