Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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