remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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